Liar Extraordinaire
by myshipsank
Summary: "Yeah? You won't even give me a good reason why you're following her," Angel pointed out. I let the comment roll over me because I had given him a good reason. It was just one he wasn't ready to accept. To be honest, I was barely accepting it myself. Slight AU.
1. Chapter 1

In general, I guess you could say I'm kinda numb. I've done just about everything in terms of morally ambiguous shit, you know? I've only ever had one night stands, never a long-lasting relationship. Just sex. I've done a couple drugs in my time. Hell, I've killed people just because I was asked. All of that has desensitized me in a way, making it hard for things to affect me like they should.

With Buffy, I always feel.

When I first met her, I felt distaste. Usually I'm pretty alright with most people because they stay the hell out of my way and I stay out of theirs. I only get in their way if they get in mine, and we live in a nice sort of symbiosis. But when I first met Buffy, she challenged the way I did things. Accused me of excessive bloodlust. And I thought, is this chick screwing with me? We're slayers; blood is our currency and death is our business. She's playing with herself if she thinks any differently.

Though I have to admit, when I first met her, my mind was a little bit blown. I played it cool because that's what I do, but it was the experience of a lifetime. I was used to being the only slayer, the only girl able to face what goes bump in the night and the only one able to save lives. No one else could get on my level. And then I met Buffy and she faced me eye-to-eye on my level. It gave me a weird sort of chill.

And then I started to actually respect her. I would say this happened right about the time when she saved my ass for the first time and only grew as I watched her way of slaying- by using friends and making plans. It was different, but even I had to admit that she had a good system going.

Problem is, I started to have… _other_ feelings around her too. At first I thought it was just because she's crazy hot and good at slaying so I wanted to bed her, just to try it, but I didn't do that. I waited, which is unlike me. Maybe I was afraid that pissing her off by laying her and leaving would be a number one shit-poor decision considering she's the only other slayer in the world. Maybe I didn't want to lose the only person in my life who had started to resemble a friend. But it was also the thought that maybe I didn't just want to get her in bed. And that thought terrified me.

When I get angry and Buffy, it isn't like anything else I've ever felt. It's not just the simple "she's getting in my way" thing. Normally I would just push whoever's in my way out of said way and move on. But there's two problems with using that strategy with Buffy- one, I wasn't really sure if I wanted to push her out of my life, and two, she pushes back.

We are both pretty damn strong and hard-headed too, so when we fight, it's like an explosion of fireworks. She has so much passion in almost everything she does, and fighting is no exception. For me, I so rarely have passion, but she brings it out in me. When we fight, it's not just an argument, it's not just brawling, it's a clashing of passions. And maybe some of my passions are a little misplaced, because sometimes when I hit her it's only an alternative to grabbing her hand to stop her.

It got to the point where I'd been pushing myself to places that were far, even for me. I had made it my mission to destroy the town Buffy lived in (I still didn't consider it my town) and her in it. It was like I was pushing myself as far as I could so she would fight me back with as much passion as I had bundled up inside of me. The only way I could spark something within her was while we were trying to kill each other. I've never claimed to be well-adjusted. I've only ever claimed to be stubborn.

The times we had when we got along were the best of my life. Going out hunting baddies together and dancing at a club afterward to burn off steam? Best thing ever. It wasn't quite the way that I was used to blowing of steam, but it worked for me because the person I was doing it with was actually going to be there the next night and the night after that.

But when we got into a disagreement… it was never small. It was all out or nothing at all.

I have to say that I love every moment I have with Buffy whether we're getting along or just about killing each other. We're both made of fire, and they always say you can't fight fire with fire. Well, we try anyway.

Right now I'm looking at her from behind a window, debating on whether or not to go inside. Whether or not to announce my presence- that I'm back in town. I can't just walk in and say hello. I'm a pariah now. Sometimes I forget that.

I swore to myself at one point that I'd never hurt her ever again, you know. It was after we switched bodies and I got to experience her life for a little while, the life I always thought I wanted. But you know, it wasn't so easy being her either. I learned that it can actually make things harder when you care about someone because you're always waiting to see if they'll get hurt, or worse, if you'll be the one to hurt them.

I broke that promise. And I hate that.

It's not like I want to hurt her but sometimes I feel like the only way she'll look at me is if I'm on the other end of a knife. I hate that I feel that way, that I can't make myself a normal human sometimes, that I always seem so broken and violent. And this time as I sit outside her window I hear her talking. She's with Willow, who's started to become actually useful, a powerful witch. I used to console myself that at least I was better than Willow, that at least I was powerful because I was jealous that Willow got to be so close to Buffy. But I had my slayer powers, and that was enough. But no, she had to go out there and gain powers of her own.

"Buffy… are you sure about this?" Willow asked with a concerned voice. I wanted to shove her aside and tell Buffy to tell me her problems, that I would listen better than Willow ever has. But I know that's a lie. I was always better at talking than listening.

"Do you remember what I said to you back before I ever started dating Riley?" Buffy asked.

I wish I remembered. But no, I was in a coma back then. Riley… he was the boyfriend of hers that I slept with while I was in her body. I cringed a little at how I have gone after her men on multiple occasions but never actually cared for them. Angel. Riley. Even Spike a little, granted before he started having feelings for Buffy.

"Yes, word for word, actually. I think I wrote it in my diary because what you said concerned me so much. Is that weird?" Willow replied, scrunching up her face. I wanted to be annoyed at her for being weird, but I was actually just happy I could hear the exact words. Willow took a moment to collect her thoughts and then quoted Buffy. "You said, 'I can't help thinking… isn't that where the fire comes from? Can a nice, safe relationship be that intense? I know it's nuts, but, part of me believes that real love and passion have to go hand and hand with pain and fighting. I wonder where I get that from.' And then you staked a vampire."

Buffy gave Willow a smile and I felt a small imaginary stake in my own heart. I never made people smile, not like that anyway.

"Wow, Will, I might be worried about you stalking me or something with that memory of yours," Buffy joked lightly. Willow just shrugged.

"So you're saying you still believe that? And that's why you're dumping Riley?" Willow questioned. I just about lost my balance on the roof and tumbled into Buffy's room. She was dumping Riley?

Now, I couldn't exactly say that I was upset by that or anything, but I was surprised for sure. From what I'd gathered, Riley was a pretty stand-up guy and had a fairly stable relationship with Buffy. And not too bad in the sack either. Why the hell would Buffy be breaking up with him? Because she didn't feel "the fire" with him?

Half of me wanted to slap her for that decision. The other half of me wanted to kiss her. I tried to ignore that second half because that part of me _always_ wanted to kiss her.

I regained my balance and listened to the rest of the conversation. "He gave me an ultimatum. And I'm just not so sure I can live up to his expectations," Buffy defended her choice. Okay, so maybe this Riley guy was a dick. Giving Buffy an ultimatum? That didn't sound exactly like the kind of guy I wanted her with. Well, I didn't exactly want her with a guy at all, but that wasn't the point.

"He only really gave you one expectation," Willow responded softly. I had to crane my neck closer to the window to hear Buffy's next words.

"He basically told me I have to love him, and I can't give him that," Buffy said quietly. I watched Willow embrace Buffy and I sat down next to the window, out of sight in case one of them decided to check out the window.

So Buffy couldn't love Mr. Perfect? Guess she never got over Angel. Some small part of me is sickly happy about this because I already knew she could never love me, but now I know she can't really love anyone else either. I don't get her, but at least no one else does either. But I still can't help but feel shitty when she's sad because, like it or not, I care about her emotions.

I almost wish I wouldn't have broken free from the Council so I could avoid prison. At least in prison I wouldn't be out torturing myself by getting tantalizingly close to Buffy but stopping short of actually announcing my presence. I would probably just be spending my time in a cell, working out when allowed, and probably having sex with some of the women in there to pass the time. It would be simple. And I'd actually be safer in there than out in the open where I face all sorts of demons and the like.

I've actually tried to avoid going out on patrol much at night for two reasons- one, I don't want Buffy to notice a depletion in the resident evil that she has to deal with, and two, I don't want to actually run into her. I'm not ready, clearly.

I jumped down off of the roof and roll to avoid pain on impact and stand up in one smooth motion. I stood in the grass outside the building for a little while just deciding where to go. I guess I didn't make my decision fast enough because I heard footsteps behind me and a voice call out my name.

"Faith," a male voice says. I slowly turn around, afraid that it's Xander or someone that will just yell for Buffy. But when I turn around, it's worse. It's Angel.

"Angel. Imagine seeing you here," I reply, striving for glib. I'm usually pretty good at it. Angel doesn't smile, no surprise there, but he does take a few steps toward me.

"I thought you were out of town, as in prison," Angel said. I flashed him a smirk to hide the fact that I was extremely uncomfortable with this confrontation. Angel was just about the last person I wanted to see right now, mostly because he held Buffy's heart still and I wanted to drive a stake through his for having it and throwing it away.

"Yeah? And I thought you were out of town, as in no one really knows where," I shot back. I hope it hurt him to hear the underlying meaning- me blaming him for running off on Buffy. It was hard to tell because he always wore that sort of angsty expression. It pissed me off.

"Los Angeles. I'm in Los Angeles these days. And Buffy knows that. She's… seen me there," Angel responded. Well that hurt. I had to wonder if Buffy seeing Angel in LA had anything to do with why she was deciding she could never love Riley. "But back to the point. What happened to serving prison time?"

I shrugged, keeping my cool. "I decided I didn't really like the accommodations they were offering. They advertised at four stars, but I would only give them two and a half."

Angel was not amused. Shocker. I wonder if he ever laughed when he was dating Buffy. It had to get depressing dating a guy who had zero sense of humor. But I liked watching him squirm a little, so I continued. "The whole sharing shower thing? Totally not my scene. I could've dealt with that, though, but then I remembered that you can't have weapons in there and I would severely miss my sharp and pointy friends."

Angel's unamused expression had morphed into a glare, but that only made my smirk grow. "You shouldn't be here."

Ah, there's the point of this little encounter. "Right, and you should be?" I asked with a hint of accusatory sarcasm. If he weren't so domesticated, I'm sure he would've been at my throat by now. Instead, he just clenched his fists a little and stayed rooted to his spot, staying silent as well. "You have no right to be here either. Let me guess, she doesn't know you're here? Right. So you're just stalking in the shadows to keep an eye on her without her knowing. You can't come back because you already broke her heart by telling her you couldn't be with her because of some noble lameass excuse. Am I hitting any nerves yet?" I taunted.

His eyes flared with flames and his fists tightened into whitened balls. I could tell I'd hit exactly the nerves I'd been aiming for. I didn't really have anything to be gained from taunting Angel, but hey, it made me feel better.

"You're just as bas as I am, you know? We both forced ourselves out of her life, but we both can't stay away," I said. Okay, that came out less of a taunt and more of a sympathetic line. Completely unintentional.

Angel stared me down like he was trying to get a good read on me. Well, good luck buddy, no one really can. "We should leave. We have no place in her life now."

He was certainly right about that. I nodded once to show agreement and we gave each other one last look before turning heel and walking off in separate directions.

Buffy Summers had a way of working her way so far into your life that even when she was no longer in that life, you felt her lingering presence there. Angel was proof of that. I was proof too. I hate that we have that in common. It's just one more thing. Angel and I both went through times when we killed multiple innocent people. We were both trying to redeem ourselves almost constantly. We're both in love with Buffy and can't get her out of our heads.

At this point, I'm starting to get angry. I can't help it- thinking about Angel and Buffy always makes me angry. So I headed to the local cemetery to wait for a vamp to come out so I can play for a little while. Sure enough, I saw a hand reaching up from a newly-dug grave. I waited for him to rise completely and then I pulled out a stake and threw in front twenty feet away straight into his heart.

As he dusted I felt a small twinge of regret that I didn't fight him for a little while first to burn off some of this anger. I just retrieved my stake from the ground and walked around, taking in the sights. Well, there really wasn't much to see, so I tried to pick out the oldest headstone in the graveyard.

As I played that little game, I couldn't stop thinking about what Buffy had said about her and Riley's relationship, the part that Willow had quoted from memory. Buffy had said that she wasn't sure she could be in a relationship that wasn't based on pain and fighting. I couldn't help an ironic smile at that. By that definition, Buffy and I would have a wonderful relationship because practically all we shared was pain and fighting. Even when we were getting along we were still fighting together.

I hated what Buffy said because it sounded so much like abuse and relationships based on the wrong things, like fighting together or against someone, but I couldn't help but agree. It was exactly how I'd been feeling about Buffy recently. Like all of our fighting was only proof of the passions we felt. Or, I felt. Pretty damn sure my passion is all one-sided.

I think about Angel and how he's been following her just like I have. It's sick that we both do that to ourselves. I wonder if he's been doing it under the guise of "protecting her" like I used to try to convince myself. I laughed at the thought, because that sounded _exactly _like something Angel would do. Lie to himself when it came to Buffy. That's all he ever did anyway.

I was furious still, so I left the cemetery. It was too close to UC Sunnydale for me, which meant it was too close to Buffy. I would probably just go back and crash at the rundown motel room I used to rent before the mayor got me a nicer place. I'd taken to living there again since it was fairly cheap and even cheaper if I flirted with the owner. He kept hinting that it would be free if I slept with him, but I hadn't stooped that low. I would not prostitute myself. No strings attached was my thing, and getting a free place to stay was a string.

When I got back to my place, Angel was leaning against my door frame. "Oh, fuck me," I muttered under my breath but probably loud enough for him to hear.

"Somehow I think that's a bad idea," Angel commented with an expression that actually bordered on a smirk, which was the closest thing I'd ever seen to a smile on him.

"Yeah, you'd lose your soul all over again. And they call Spike the Impotent One," I poked at him. Gone was his half-smirk. Success. "Look, I thought we already did this whole pissing each other off mixed with some sort of freaky bonding thing tonight," I complained.

Angel just stared at me and pointed at my door. "Invite me in?" he asked.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "I didn't hear a 'please' in there." He just blinked. "Fine. Grow a sense of humor, will ya?"

I took out my key and unlocked the door, gesturing to him so he knew he was allowed in. I wasn't exactly thrilled that Angel now had unlimited access to my place, but I could deal. He wouldn't be one to kill me, not when he had that soft spot for slayers.

"So what's up? I thought we left things alright as they were," I said, flopping down on my bed. He just stood there in the middle of the room awkwardly with his hands in his pockets. If his coat even had pockets. Maybe he just tucked his hands in his coat minus pockets. I don't really know.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you," Angel started. I actually snorted at that and he made a face, realizing his mistake.

"Yeah, I get that a lot… after," I replied with a wink. Angel rolled his eyes at my innuendo.

"About what you said, I mean. We have a lot in common. I know why I'm following Buffy around, but I can't seem to think of why you are," he continued.

I debated on how much truth to put into my answer. I could go for a flat out lie and say something ridiculous, or I could go for a half-truth and say that I just care about her since we're the Chosen Two. Or…

"Same as you, babe. Can't get her hot body off my mind," I said with false sarcasm. Sometimes hiding the truth in plain sight was the best option. I could tell that Angel was starting to get angry with me again.

"Faith, could you try to take this seriously?" Angel asked me like I was a child. I guess compared to him I was, but we didn't look that different in age on the outside. And I could so take him in a fight.

I was sick of people assuming I was incapable of human emotion or maturity. People always assume that just because I'm a maladjusted teenager with a history of violence it means I'm not capable of having feelings or something. Okay, so maybe I perpetuate that image from time to time by repeating the fact that I don't care about things and shit like that… But really, you'd think people would see through that sort of an act. And I'm tired of people being so stupid.

"Why does everyone always assume I'm lying?" I challenged. Angel gave me a curious look but I don't think he put two and two together yet. He would assume the truth absolutely last out of all the options available. Because, really, he's in love with her. He's the one with the tragic love story with her. There's no room in there for me.

Sometimes I wish he'd stayed in hell.

But I can't actually think that thought for long because my damn guilt starts getting the better of me. I hate that I still feel guilt, but the guilt reminds me that, yes, I still am human.

"Whatever. I just thought that if we're both going to be following her around, we could… coordinate to try to keep her safe," Angel suggested. I outright laughed at that.

"I was _so_ right. You're still deluding yourself that you've been stalking her because you want her to be safe when actually you just want an excuse to be close to her, but you don't have the balls to actually approach her," I choke out through my laughter. It's ironic laughter because that's exactly what I've gone through. Except I'm over the denial now.

"Yeah? You won't even give me a good reason why you're following her," Angel pointed out. I let the comment roll over me because I _had_ given him a good reason. It was just one he wasn't ready to accept. To be honest, I was barely accepting it myself.

"Look, Angel, I don't really want to offend you here… well, actually, I couldn't bring myself to give two shits if I do, but I'll leave the sentiment there. But I don't want to go on Buffy Patrol with you or anything like that. Actually, hard as it may be to believe, I don't want to do much of anything with you right now," I responded.

I knew that wasn't enough. I had too give him something. "I'm trying to find myself a little bit recently, know what I mean?" I knew he did. "And to find myself I kinda need to be… by myself."

He gave me a curt nod and I knew we'd reached some sort of stiff agreement. He really hadn't done anything wrong and I knew it. I was just being childish and hating him for doing what he couldn't help- being in love with Buffy. God only knows I could empathize.

"I know we haven't always gotten along, but I'd like to think we at least understand each other," Angel said. I gave him a sad smile because it was true. "So just know that I'm not only going to be looking out for Buffy anymore."

I restrained myself from biting my lip- something I do when someone says something that I actually appreciate as a selfless gesture. It doesn't happen often, but I never really know how to react when it does, so I usually just bite my lip to stop myself from saying something dickish to ruin the gesture.

"Thanks. I won't forget everything we've gone through, you know. You did try to set me on the path of redemption earlier on," I said softly. It wasn't like I wanted to be so vulnerable in front of him right now, but I know he already knew about that bit. He'd been there to watch me break down, and it was about time I thanked him for it.

He didn't say anything. He didn't have to. We have a weird sort of relationship, but then again, all of my somewhat long-term relationships are weird. Well, I can only really think of two that I still have, and that would be with Angel and Buffy. With Angel we have that weird sort of brutally honest relationship with each other sometimes, and the rest of the time I just go out of my way to annoy him. The second part was typical of most of my relationships, I guess.

I inclined my head as a goodbye and he walked out of my apartment, leaving me alone to think about my only other long-term relationship of any sort. Buffy.

We'd never really been friends. We'd been enemies and co-workers and I'd been harboring deeper emotions practically since meeting her, but we were never really friends. She tried, I know, and I tried too. We just didn't try hard enough.

There was always something that kept us apart, like we were meant for a more fiery relationship. One with more passion than friendship. That meant either enemies or lovers, and though I wanted the one, I got the other.

Tomorrow I would have to decide what to do about this whole situation. I couldn't be Angel. I couldn't just resign myself to living away from her except for when I watched her from the shadows. I either had to confront her or leave altogether.

Who knows. I hear Maine's nice this time of year.

**A/N: So I started getting into Buffy a while ago and I can't help noticing the Buffy/Faith subtext. I know it never had a chance of making it to actual canon on the show, but the world is left open for fanfiction. This is AU because Faith did not go to prison. All other canon up to season 5 applies for now. So, should I continue?**


	2. Chapter 2

When I woke up, I had already made my decision. I had dreamt about Buffy. Nothing in depth, just me watching her through a glass wall that I couldn't break down, that I couldn't get through. I watched her live out her life in that glass bubble and I was never once allowed through.

I couldn't let that happen. I had to see her and have her see me back.

I took a deep breath and got out of bed and dressed for the day. I may not ever get to have Buffy the way I sometimes dreamed, but I could at least try to be in her life again. Oh, and dream I did about Buffy. She would pop up from time to time. In my coma she popped up a few times even, and I was barely even alive then.

"_You wanna know the deal? Human weakness. Never goes away. Even his," I found myself saying to the dream Buffy. We were in my old apartment, the nice one, the one where she'd stabbed me shortly before I slipped into a never-ending sleep. I wondered why I was dreaming about giving Buffy advice instead of my typical less than appropriate dream sequences._

_Human weakness… as much as I tried to eliminate mine, I still had it in boatloads. Specifically, she was my weakness. Buffy was everything that I wanted. Not for myself, though I had attempted to convince myself I just wanted her life at one point. I actually just plain wanted her._

"_This your mind or mine?" Buffy asked in turn. I pondered that. Dream Buffy was suggesting that this was a shared dream between the two of us. Could that be true? Was this a slayer dream, not just the typical fantasy? It would certainly explain Buffy's clothes still being on._

"_Beats me. Getting towards that time," I said. I wasn't quite sure why, but it seemed like it was getting time for me to go. For this dream to end. Who knows? Dreams rarely made complete sense, and slayer dreams were no exception._

"_How are you going to fit all this stuff?" Buffy asked, gesturing to the stuff in my apartment. I guess she was trying to figure this all out, to find out what I was trying to say to her. What was I trying to say? Was I trying to tell her how to beat the mayor?_

_I had tried hard to please the mayor- I'd stolen for him, spied for him, and killed for him. All of this was just to spite Buffy and her friends, to show that I could be something on my own too. It was a twisted idea, but I've never been good at the whole planning thing. Now that I was obviously of no use to the mayor anymore, what was I to do? I would have to revert to my number one priority- keep Buffy safe. Yeah, I know I'd fought with her in ways that could be lethal before, but I don't think I'd ever actually be able to kill her. Scratch that. I _know_ I wouldn't be able to._

"_Not gonna. It's yours," I answered softly. It wasn't like I could use it anyway considering the fact that I was asleep. I wasn't quite sure in what way, but it seemed like a way that meant I wouldn't be waking any time soon._

"_I can't use all of this," Buffy replied, face slightly upset. I sighed internally._

"_Just take what you need. You ready?" I asked. It was time. I could feel her slipping away from me, and that was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to keep her here in this dream with me. I'd fucked up so badly every time I saw her in real life recently, but maybe in this dream I could have a clean slate._

_I stepped closer to touch her face, thinking that this was it. I would pull her closer and kiss her. Slayer dream or not, I wanted to touch her in my dreams regardless of the circumstances. Well, I wanted to touch her no matter if I was conscious or not, but I seemed to have a harder time reeling it in whilst in a dream of any kind._

_As soon as my fingertips brushed her cheek, the dream dissolved._

That was one of the clearest dreams from my eight months in a coma. When I woke up, I immediately went to find her. But, of course, I messed up. I switched lives with her and learned that we truly were similar in ways that I'd never known before, but she was perhaps a better person than me in ways I'd never pondered. She just wanted to protect her family and friends. I just wanted to protect her, but I wasn't very good at that. I was too often the one on the other end of her hurt.

But all this thinking of dreams made me make my decision. She should still be at school since it was a Thursday, so I would go and wait near her dorm until she came back from classes so I could announce my presence.

If she was only going to invade my dreams, I may as well see her in real life too. I was already damaged, but that was synonymous with me saying I'm already in love with her.

Is that fucked up or what? I can't get her out of my head, but I bet she's tried her hardest to never think of me ever again. How much worse would it have been if I _had _managed to kiss her in that dream, one of the dreams we shared? She'd wish to unremember me even more than before. She'd view it to be sick; I'm her worst nightmare in some ways, and to have that person in love with her…

I shook my head from those thoughts. I'd made up my mind, and it wasn't the time to go changing it.

On my way to UC Sunnydale, I thought about what her reaction would be. She'd probably go into fighting mode since the last time she saw me was when I'd needed to be restrained and thrown in prison. I'd hijacked her body and taken it for a joyride, thoroughly messing things up by having sex with her boyfriend, flirting with her arch nemesis, and insulting her best friend's new girlfriend. Smooth, right?

I always had the right moves until Buffy came along.

So I'd have to be prepared to fight her, but only defensively. I couldn't risk hurting her. Maybe I should just let her get in a few punches and then pin her or something so I could explain myself. It seemed as good a plan as any. There was no precedent here for me on how to restore a friendship that had never really existed. Actually, there was no precedent for me trying to salvage any sort of relationship at all. Usually I just didn't care enough to try.

When I arrived to campus, I found a place under a couple trees next to Stevenson where I could chill for a little while. I had no idea how long she'd be in class for, so I broke off a few tree limbs and started carving them into stakes using the knife I had with me. Might as well be productive.

That started to get boring pretty quick, so I tried people watching. Usually the only people watching I do is to tell who's a demon and who's human. That or who will be willing to sleep with me. Neither of those was particularly applicable today, unfortunately.

I saw a couple walking the sidewalk- a girl with blonde hair and a guy with darker hair. Their hands swung between them and I wondered how long they'd been together. A week? A month? A year? It was impossible to tell. They were smiling and laughing. Maybe he'd just told her a joke. Maybe she'd just made fun of his old teacher. The possibilities were endless. I wondered if I could ever be that at ease with someone.

I'd done the nasty with many people, but I skipped right over the usual first when it came to romance- holding hands and the like. In fact, the only person's hand I can remember holding since my mom's would be Buffy. She'd grabbed it on more than one occasion to drag me away or lead me somewhere to slay. I supposed it was something she did with her friends, but I'd never seen her do that with anyone else. Maybe she just liked to keep track of where I was. Maybe hand-holding was like putting a leash on someone.

I abandoned the couple I'd been watching and went back to carving another stake while focusing my eyes on a girl walking by herself with her head down toward the ground. She had her arms crossed over her chest. Before I could start to make up a story for her, I was brought back to the real world.

"Planning on using that to kill her?" Buffy asked, standing a few feet away from me.

To most of the world her posture would probably look relaxed, but I noticed that she was ready to jump into battle because of a few things. Her legs were slightly spread and knees bent, ready to spring at me if needed. Her one hand was on jacket pocket, which might look inconspicuous if I didn't know she had a knife in there. And her arm muscles went tensed up for a fight.

She was so damn pretty. I tried not to think about that part though.

I put my stake down on the grass slowly, not wanting to make any sudden moves. That would only set her on me. On second thought, maybe it was best that I had chosen to meet her in the middle of the day on her campus. There were people all around that would witness if she tried to murder me.

"Not a chance," I said seriously. There would be a time for joking, but I knew this wasn't it. If I wanted anything resembling a chance to talk to her, I would need to take every word seriously.

Buffy did not relax a bit. "Sure? I know you wouldn't have any guilt if you did kill her. Last I heard, you were supposed to be in a women's prison for exactly that crime. I was finally able to sleep at night knowing you weren't free," she said, venom laced in her words.

It stung, I won't lie, but I could totally see where she was coming from. If I were her, I'd hate me too. Actually, if I were her, I'd probably already have a knife against my throat, crowds of other students be damned.

"Prison wouldn't do me any good. The only good I have left is to kill evil. Sitting in a cell won't help me make up for the innocent lives I've ruined," I replied evenly. It wasn't even a start on my path to redemption, but I had to say something. Buffy only reached further into her jacket pocket, securing her hand on the handle of her knife. I wondered idly what kind of knife it was.

"It might not do _you_ any good, but it would do the rest of the world a service," Buffy responded through gritted teeth. Okay, that was fair. I still had to keep from showing the slightest sheen of tears that threatened to come to my eyes. She was Buffy. Her words stuck with me, good or bad.

"B…" I started, but her eyes just narrowed into a glare. Nothing I could say would be enough for her to relax even a little bit. It was time to improvise.

"Look, I'm going to stand up, okay?" I began again. Okay, so she actually pulled out the knife a bit at that. I squinted at the gleam of metal, trying to discern what kind of knife it was, but then I refocused. "I'm going to stand up, and you're going to come over right behind me and put that knife to my back so no one around here will see it. Then you're going to direct me to someplace we can talk without witnesses."

Buffy stared at me long and hard. I squirmed under her stare, feeling her eyes all over me. I know it wasn't her checking me out, but having her eyes on me at all still gave me that feeling, especially after all this time.

"Okay," she replied softly. I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding and moved as slowly as possible into a crouching position. "You make any sudden moves and I throw this knife at your knee caps… if you're lucky."

Threats. Okay. I could deal with threats.

I continued my slow and steady ascension to a standing position. I winced at my internal use of the word ascension. When I was finally standing, Buffy moved swiftly toward me and behind me. I felt the tip of a knife graze my back and I let out the smallest gasp. It pierced my skin, just barely, but the feeling was still awful. Buffy was driving a knife into me again, and that was something I could barely withstand.

"Walk. We're going up to my room. Lucky for you, Willow's out with Tara for the rest of the day," Buffy whispered in my ear. I got chills from the feel of her breath on my ear. I did as I was told, following her quiet instructions to go into the building and then up to her room, opening the door for us.

As soon as we were inside, Buffy quickly shut the door and pushed me away from her, knife now out in the open. My eyes widened as I recognized it. It was my knife, the one I'd gotten from the mayor. The one that she had almost killed me with before.

I wanted badly to make a comment about how she kept a piece of me to remember me by, but I restrained myself. She could tell I noticed the knife she carried with her as daily protection. My words were unnecessary.

"So, care to tell me why the hell you're not locked up far away from here?" Buffy spat out. She should be terrifying- I knew she was incredibly strong and pissed off at me and carrying a knife whilst I was unarmed. But all I could focus on was the fact that Buffy ready to fight is a very attractive sight.

I cleared my throat. "I already told you that. I know it's not a good enough answer, but it's the only one I got. Why don't you ask the questions that you're really wanting to know the answers to?" I knew it was risky to be that bold with her, to assume I knew somewhat what was in her mind, but that's just who I am. Even in the face of danger I maintain confidence. Sure, I might be adjusting the teasing I do and such in this special situation. But my confidence? Nope, can't let that slip.

She glared at me and advanced closer, putting the knife to my neck. My breath caught in my throat because I knew she wouldn't hesitate to use it. I'd already felt the sting of that blade in my stomach before. In fact, some nights I woke up from my nightmares swearing I could still feel blood seeping from the healed wound she'd graced me with that night in my old apartment.

Her eyes were locked with mine and it made my heart beat faster from both the adrenaline of the danger presented and the fact that she was so close to me. The knife to my throat like that reminded me of another time she held a knife there, when I'd been holding a knife to hers as well. We'd both frozen, unwilling to actually kill the other. I'd told her she wasn't ready to kill me, which was true enough for a while, and then I'd kissed her forehead. I'd wanted to kiss her outright, but I chickened out.

Pulling myself out of the past, I took in a shaky breath to say something, anything, but she stole the moment.

"I should kill you, you know. If Xander or Willow were here…" she trailed off. "Or if you were carrying a weapon," she added begrudgingly. So I had made the right decision in leaving the knives and crossbow at home. Good to know.

She was talking to me. Actually talking- opening her mouth, using words, directing them at me. It had been months since that had happened, and I was in awe of it. Now, of course, that wasn't exactly something that I would usually be happy about, but even with the threats she'd given me, all things considered, I was getting off pretty easy so far. She hadn't even punched me.

"I'd rather you not, if my opinion counts for anything," I replied honestly with a hint of snark. I couldn't help it. She was so damn teaseable. She shot me another glare, but this one lacked the heat of the previous one. That was improvement.

"It doesn't. Ever," she responded. It was said so matter-of-factly that my heart sank more in my chest. She was implying that nothing I ever said or felt meant anything to her, and that cut me more than the knife in her hand ever had.

"Regardless, you are right about one thing- I have questions. I want to know how long ago you escaped. I want to know _how_ you escaped too, but that can wait. Even more, I want to know why you're here instead of halfway to Canada or something." So she didn't actually ask any questions, but I bit my tongue on calling her out on that fact.

"I escaped pretty much as soon as they caught me. For a while I just wandered around, but for the past month or so I've been in town. And I'm here instead of Canada because of you, to be honest." It was much more honest than I'd been planning on being, in fact. I hurried to add on a snarky comment to balance out that little glimpse of my soul I'd just given her. "By the way, if I had to get out of the country, I'd pick Mexico. Weather's much better."

She snorted. "I thought you were from Boston. Wouldn't Canada's weather be more like that?" she asked.

I raised a eyebrow at her. "Really? Out of everything I've said, that's what you're focusing on?" I questioned. She gave me half a shrug and I felt the knife slipping away from my neck. "Yeah, I guess you're right, but now that I've been to Cali, I can say I like it a hell of a lot better in the warm."

She kept looking at me with this conflicted look in her eyes that I've seen so many times before. Like when I suggested we steal weapons. Like before just about every time she hit me first. I wondered what she was debating on now. I hoped it was to remove the knife from my neck.

It seemed I was right. She did remove the blade from my neck, but she kept it gripped firmly in her hand. "Faith… I never stopped thinking about everything that happened between us. I tortured myself over it, trying to see if there was anything I could have done better to keep you from…" Buffy trailed off. I knew where she was heading with that one.

I tried not to read into what she was saying. She was just talking about keeping me from going to the dark side, I knew that, but it was so easy to listen selectively, to hear the words "I never stopped thinking about us." To hear "Trying to see if there was anything I could have done better to keep you."

"I know. You didn't do anything wrong, B. I fucked up, like usual. But I don't wanna always be a screw-up, you know? It's time for some change," I admitted. This whole conversation was going from discomfort to discomfort- knives when I was unarmed, seeing Buffy look at me with pure anger, admitting things I'd much rather keep private.

She let out a sigh and paced a little across the floor, never letting her eyes leave me in case I made some sort of move. "And you needed me to help you change?" she challenged.

Ah, there we go. That was the question that scared me the most, and of course she'd found it. I had admitted to coming back to Sunnydale for her and that I wanted to change for the better. Buffy had always been smart, so it was no wonder she managed to put two and two together. I just wondered if she already knew the answer behind my answers.

"Yeah, I do. You're the only one who…" I cut myself off, not even knowing how to end that sentence. There were so many true ways of doing it- "understands what our lives are like" or "I trust enough." Or, of course, "I've ever loved."

She picked none of the above. "The only one who could?" she guessed. Well, that just about summed it up. I nodded stiffly and felt my body starting to betray me. I hadn't eaten in much too long and I'd been slaying, so my body was pretty drained. I hadn't had a good night's sleep in a week either. Oh, and I was experiencing a shit-ton of emotions that I usually tried my hardest to avoid.

My knees trembled and I could feel my hands shaking. My eyes stung with the threat of tears. My legs started to give out completely, but Buffy was there to stop me from hitting the ground in less than a second.

I clung onto her because I was afraid that I would fall. Whether I meant literally or emotionally, I can't really be sure. I looked over Buffy's shoulder as she held me to see that she'd dropped the knife on the ground so she could catch me instead.

That sight brought the tears to my eyes. Buffy only held me tighter as I cried.

I knew she hadn't forgiven me yet, that she was so far away from trusting me, but when it came down to it, she would drop her weapons if I only dropped my defenses. That was a price I would be willing to pay.

* * *

Apparently Willow was going to be out for a while still, so Buffy half-carried me over to a bed. I was assuming it was her side of the room judging by the décor. It just screamed Buffy.

She pulled the sheets over my trembling body and sat down next to me, a hand in my hair. It was an intimate gesture, one I wasn't particularly used to unless the person in my bed was there for another purpose altogether. She'd always been a fairly touchy person- I knew that- but it still felt odd. She used to grab my hand or arm frequently, but those were just things she did without even thinking. They didn't mean anything.

This though… this meant something. She was willingly touching me to comfort me or calm me down or whatever even after everything wrong I've done. So it didn't mean she had any sort of feelings for me, but it did mean she wasn't ready to ostracize me and kick me out of her life. That's a fucking miracle considering.

I was so embarrassed to be crying in front of her, but I couldn't exactly stop it. She didn't speak, and I had no words either. So we stayed there in silence, me just wishing I could say something to break the dead air.

Finally my tears slowed and my body started trembling less. I could feel myself slipping toward sleep slowly and I was thankful. Sleep would probably be the best remedy at this point.

Buffy must have noticed my change because she spoke. "I don't want to do this, but I have to do something," she said in a hushed tone. I wasn't sure what she was talking about until she took hold of my left hand and snapped one side of a handcuff around it before attaching the other end to the bed post. She then covered my extended arm with a blanket.

I looked up at her in shock. "Kinky," I said through a smirk. She rolled her eyes at me and I held back a laugh. "Didn't know you were into that," I pushed further.

"I'm not," she sighed. It reminded me of a time before. _"Bondage looks good on you, B. The outfit's all wrong, but hey..."_ And now the situation was reversed. Except…

"Then why do you have handcuffs in your bedroom?" I pointed out with a challenging eyebrow raised. Her face turned a certain shade of pink that gave me my answer. "Damn, B. I never would have thought you'd be up for it."

"Shut up," she growled. I just laughed. I was tired and feeling a ridiculous feeling of elation that I was lying in Buffy's bed (think innocent thoughts!) while she sat next to me joking. Yes, it wasn't exactly the ideal situation, but I was so unbelievably thrilled to be back in her life.

"I can't have you running off and being a psycho on campus, especially not in the middle of the day," Buffy told me. I gave a sort of shrug and scrunched up a little on the bed to accommodate for my now locked-up arm.

"Whatever," I muttered. Calling me a psycho would have been light in nature maybe two years ago, but these days? Not so much. It put a small damper on my good mood, but I was slowly drifting toward dreamland anyway, so I let it slide.

I looked up at Buffy, just holding her stare for a few seconds. She had those green eyes that could stare right through me when she wanted to. It shocked me sometimes that she never saw right through my heart to see its true intentions. To see that I love her. Maybe she never turned those x-ray eyes toward my heart. If she never looked, she wouldn't know.

Her hair was longer than it had been the last time we'd actually been face to face. The last time had been when I had stolen her body, and what a ride that was. I almost blushed as I remembered taking a bath in that body, running my hands all over smooth skin that didn't belong to me and feeling my stolen body's reaction.

"Go to sleep, Faith," she murmured, running hair hand through my hair one last time. I guess the comforting was done. Maybe she'd only comforted me to keep me calm before handcuffing me to her bed in a way that was decidedly not like any of my dreams.

"Okay," I muttered in response. It was stupid. I didn't have to say anything, but I did anyway. As I drifted off to sleep, I wondered if she would be there when I woke up. I wondered what she would say to me and what stupid things would fall out of my mouth in response.

As much as I play the perfect alpha female, I've so rarely been in control.

**A/N: Italics were stuff from the past, but that was pretty obvious I think. The tension between the two is far from over. Next chapter has the two talk some more and Willow enters the picture as well as possibly some others.**


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